The Function of a Rubber Duck
by loveretriever
Summary: A look at missing scenes from HP2 The Burrow. Intended to be taken lightly and all material not in the book is made up with 100% guarantee of inaccuracy. No pairing - written for a prompt.


So this is probably a loose interpretation of the prompt, but I've been itching for awhile to write about scenes that are canon but missing in the books or movies (or both). This is based on the chapter "The Burrow" from HP2 and loosely follows the written script (I've changed loads of words, so very few things are verbatim, from the movies or the books or both.)

Written for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry forum - Muggle Studies, #5

Prompt: Write a story focused on any muggle invention. (The main one is the flying Ford Anglia.) Extra prompt: "Don't touch that" (dialogue)

Word count: 1832

* * *

Harry Potter, of Number 4 Privet Drive, had never seen an English country home. Having lived most of his short life in a small, sleepy Muggle suburban development in Surrey, located on the outskirts of London, Harry, it is safe to say, had also never seen a wizarding home before.

Ron Weasley, Harry's best friend, lived in a house affectionately referred to as the Burrow, located outside Ottery St. Catchpole, a town in Devon.

The Burrow was a large, sprawling estate, mostly consisting of gardens, woods and a river that, according to Ron, made the land marshy and swamp-like in spring. The house was situated on high ground and was the oddest structure Harry had ever seen. About six stories high, the house looked like a hodgepodge of mini-houses all stacked one on top of the other.

"It's not much," Ron admitted, feeling a bit ashamed. "But it's home." He slouched against the door of the Ford Anglia, his hands in his pants, waiting for Harry's response.

Harry swallowed once, admiring the architectural magic holding up the odd building.

"I think it's brilliant." Harry smiled and followed Ron, Fred and George inside.

Fred and George motioned for Harry and Ron to be quiet, carefully closing the door behind them. Fred, as the driver, placed the car keys back in their father's garage before showing Harry the house.

"Have you ANY idea how worried I've been?" Mrs. Weasley said, turning on a light that illuminated Ron, Fred and George.

"Morning, Mum," George said, being the first to recover his wits.

Harry watched in astonishment as all three Weasley boys cowered in fear.

"BEDS EMPTY! NO NOTE! CAR GONE!" Mrs. Weasley bellowed. Her rage made her seem six feet tall. "Hello, Harry, dear," she said, affectionately. Her sudden smile startled Harry.

"Oh, hi, Mrs. Weasley," Harry stuttered.

Mrs. Weasley turned back to her boys, pointing her index finger at all of them. "You could have crashed - I was out of my mind with worry. Do any of you care? Never as long as I've lived have I ever - you just wait until your father gets home!"

The last bit was an old threat. The boys instantly relaxed. A little.

Mrs. Weasley went on the attack again, "We never had trouble like this from any of the other boys, Charlie and Bill, certainly not Percy -"

"Perfect Percy," Fred grumbled, interrupting her.

"YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!" Mrs. Weasley yelled, jabbing Fred's chest. "You could have died, been seen or worse - your father could have lost his job!"

Fred and George did their best to look shame-faced. Ron merely quivered in his spot, fighting to stand as still as possible. Harry felt very uncomfortable witnessing this private family scene, but was also very surprised that no one else had woken up.

"Come inside, Harry, dear. I'm very pleased to see you. Breakfast?" Mrs. Weasley led the way to the kitchen table.

Harry, Ron, Fred, and George sat down as Mrs. Weasley served. Presently, Percy arrived, said hello to Harry and Ron, and helped himself to some toast.

Ginny wandered down ten minutes later, as conversation slowly started, took one look at Harry, and bolted back upstairs.

Harry looked at Ron. "Did I do something?"

"What?" Ron asked through a mouthful of eggs.

"Ginny -" Harry started.

"Oh, don't worry about her," Fred cut in, helping himself to bacon.

"She's been weird all summer," George commented. "Matter of fact, so has Percy."

Percy, at that moment, stood up. "Good to see you, Harry," he said, in his most prim and proper voice. He then left to go outside.

"Percy went to fetch the post," Ron mumbled to Harry. "We get owls delivered here, but usually old Errol collapses on the way. He's a bit barmy. Matter of fact, I thought my letters weren't reaching you because of Errol. Thought he couldn't make it to Surrey and back. I tried to use Hermes, Percy's new owl, but he wouldn't let me."

"That righ' ol' Prefect!" Fred and George chorused, grinning. It made Harry laugh how the twins teased Percy.

"Boys! You make such a mess," Mrs. Weasley tutted, waving her wand. Magically, the used dishes floated themselves to the sink, where they were magically washed and dried. Harry offered to help. Mrs. Weasley's glare shut him up.

"Fred, George, can't you help?"

"Yes, Mum," the twins sighed, moving plates out of the way.

"Good. Your father's home. Mustn't keep him waiting." Mrs. Weasley busied herself with filling another heaping plate of food when a tall red-haired man walked in the house.

"Weasleys!" he called.

"DAD!" four Weasley voices chorused.

"Arthur!" Mrs. Weasley smiled.

"Mollywobbles!" Arthur replied, hugging each of his children and kissing his wife on the cheek.

"How was it?" Mrs. Weasley asked, serving food as quickly as she did magic.

"Ugh! It was terrible. Nine raids. NINE!" Arthur took off his hat and sat down heavily. "Old Mundungus tried to hex me, too." He sipped his tea gratefully, smiling at his wife.

Mrs. Weasley finally sat down with her own cup of tea as Arthur continued to explain the items he had confiscated overnight.

"Why would anyone spell keys to shrink?" George wondered.

"Muggle-baiting," Arthur replied wearily. "Wizards who want to play pranks will sell Muggles keys that always shrink. It's so hard to convict anyone because no Muggle will admit their keys keep shrinking. Bless their hearts, the Muggles think they keep losing their keys. The things Muggles say and do to ignore magic, even when it's staring them in the face. Matter of fact, it's impressive the items our lot have enchanted, you wouldn't believe -"

"CARS?" Molly interrupted, glaring at the twins and Ron before staring straight at her husband.

"C-cars?" Arthur stammered, fidgeting with his tie. "I d-don't know what y-you mean, Molly-"

"Imagine, a wizard who buys a car, then plays with it in his garage. After tinkering for some time, all he told his wife was that he wanted to take it apart and see how it worked. What he REALLY was doing was making a FLYING CAR!" Molly's face turned beet red.

"W-well, you see, dear, I think you'll find it is actually within the l-law to do that - so long as the wizard himself had no intention of actually f-flying the c-car," Arthur said miserably.

"YOU WROTE THE LAW!" Mrs. Weasley accused her husband. "You did it on purpose so you could go on tinkering and you lied to me about the car! Do you know, YOUR SONS FLEW YOUR CAR TO RESCUE HARRY -!"

"Oh, did you really?" Arthur asked his sons eagerly, his brown eyes lighting up. Harry stared at Mr. Weasley. When he got excited, he looked ten years younger.

Fred, George and Ron all looked like Christmas had come early at their father's eager expression.

"How did it go? Was the car all right?" Arthur saw Molly's flashing eyes and immediately changed tactics. Clearing his throat, he dropped his voice half an octave. "I mean, that was very wrong of you, boys, very wrong indeed. How many times have I told you 'Don't touch that?' You two in particular, Fred and George, should know the laws of the wizarding world..."

Mrs. Weasley merely shook her head.

After the bickering and parental business was taken care of, Arthur turned to Harry.

"Mr. Potter," he began, addressing Harry formally, "I hear from Ron that you have lived your whole life among Muggles."

"That's correct, sir," Harry replied with the same formality.

"What is the function of a rubber duck?" Arthur promptly said, biting into a sausage.

"Oh, uh, well, sir, a rubber duck is what Muggles use in the bath tub," Harry said, trying his best to explain why rubber ducks were yellow, why they were in bath tubs and how, primarily, they were used by children.

"Ah, so adults don't use rubber ducks?" Arthur asked.

"Well, some might. But normally, rubber ducks are play toys for people in the bath tub when taking - er, long baths," Harry ended lamely. "Sir, I'm not quite sure I'm the best person to describe them to you."

"What about the postal service?" Arthur's questions seemed to be a long list that Harry found both entertaining and difficult to answer.

"Well, it's sort of like owls, sir, except it's people who deliver mail every day except Sunday."

"And why take Sunday off?"

"As the English government was aligned with the Christian religion, the day of worship was Sunday. Historically, most of the workers are Christian, too, so that's the day of rest, as they call it." Harry felt horribly inadequate for this task of explaining the Muggle world to a learned man like Arthur Weasley.

Arthur was so excited, hearing all the various explanations from Harry, Muggle Expert Extraordinaire. He had one last question, if his wife's glares were anything to go by. Pulling a small black object from one of his various pockets, Arthur held it up for Harry's inspection.

"And what, Mr. Potter, do you call this plug thingie?"

"That's a drain plug. People - Muggles - use it to stop water from running down the sink."

"Ah, indoor plumbing! What a great Muggle invention. I rigged it up for our house," Mr. Weasley beamed, proud of himself and his own ingenuity.

"Very nice, sir," Harry said, stumbling over his words. Looking at Ron for a cue, Harry saw his friend mouth, "I'm sorry."

"Here, have some more sausage, Harry, dear," Mrs. Weasley said, silencing her husband with a well-time glare. Pushing Harry to eat fourths and fifths of everything, Molly scolded, "Now, Arthur, don't tire Harry with your questions when he's hardly had any sleep!"

Harry hurriedly rushed to say, "It's fine, Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, really. I'm fine. I'm happy to answer any of your questions."

Mr. Weasley beamed down at Harry. "Thank you, Mr. Potter. It's a pleasure, really." Looking at his watch he gave an exclamation. "Oh! Is that the time? Sorry, dear, I have to go back to the office to make another report. Be back by dinner!" Arthur abruptly stood, kissed his wife and waved goodbye to his children.

"Oh, dear, I do hate it when he leaves again," Mrs. Weasley complained.

"Come on, Harry," Ron said, dragging his friend to the stairs. "I'll show you my room."

"Boys!" Mrs. Weasley yelled.

"Yes, Mum!" Fred, George and Ron said together.

"De-gnome the garden," Mrs. Weasley ordered with a nod, knowing that was punishment enough for taking the car without permission.

Fred, George and Ron collectively groaned.


End file.
